Swinging to the past..

I have always love swings.. I always had a 'Thing' for swings.. it is one of my faaavvouuuritesss, things to do in a playground.. something about swings just makes you feel free and happy.. that wind in your hair, that view of the world high up in the air.. the exciting feeling of going higher and higher.. ahh, magical.. If there is one thing I could wish for..it would be a tree swing behind my house...

Thinking of swings made me think of my past.. how far have I grown, am I proud of who I have become?.. I can honestly say my life have been blessed especially through the friends I have.. each and everyone whom I have shared a special bond with.. has made me who I am today.. friends who are real and sincere..

At age 16, I struggle with an Identity crisis.. my biggest fear was being a 'FAKE', I was a prefect in school yet I was not feared or worst hated like most of them, I didn't belong to a particular 'geng'.. I just floated around.. what scared me was how easily I can fit in, like a chameleon, all a while, I question myself.. but then came that faithful day, the day I'll never forget, a day that you ask me a question that I so disctreetly tried to hide from myself to answer, we had a fight, I can't remember why.. wait, I can.. I cant write it here.. but something about LOYALTY.. yes, yes.. you said to me.. "Have you ever wonder How come you can click with so many DIFFERENT people"?.. "nobody is really that nice,Tasha".. that sentence would always humble me down (should I do a little explaining?.. maybe not.. its over and we are still friends now..I'll leave you to intrepret it)..

Anyway, you did what you had to do, actually.. I really Thank you for that day.. you were really real with me, you observe something that maybe others did as well, but you came up and said it .. althought it hurt but it was something that I needed.. my journey of finding out who I was began from there.. was I really a nice person?, yeah.. how come I can talk to the so called gengsters of the school and still have respect from them as prefect?.. why did I sometimes ate lunch with the 'smart' kids?.. what about being known as the lame-joker in class? and the serious Leader in RC?.. why do I always seem like I am always Happy and have something to laugh about??.. Was I fake or real??...

My mission of being 'real' became my number one prority.. I just dont know where to start.. Thanks to ICCTs while we were praying for each other, as Pastor Ned was praying for me.. he said God told him, that He has made me a person that has the gift of happiness.. I know it sounds so simple and whimsical but it meant alot.. What I found out is that, I feel the Happiest when I can make a person smile.. I feel the closes to God, in away it was like My own personal way of worshipping Him.. by being me.. and making people Happy.. ( wow, try counting how many times I use the the word Happy).. haha.. it was all very true, the times I tried to shut myself from people, and so called be what I thought was real made it harder for me..

Honestly Im still learning, journey not over yet.. what does it mean to be real.. maybe thats why I tend to Observe ppl alot.. there are times, where I find myself being concious of my actions.. dont get me wrong, Im not a clown, I do know when to shut up and listen, and I have learn the art of honesty in friendship, you have to be Truthful but at the same time understanding.. not always giving the usual 'its-going to be ok' expected answer but using words that encourage and at the same time wakes them up.. this so far I have learned.. even as I started this blog I remember the first thing on my list is .. TO Be REal.. i did not want to be a different person on the internet as to real life... (go check out the first post in 2007).. Im sure its there.. .. (now, count how many times I wrote the word Real.. haha).. but sorry no prize... haha